In honor of Father's Day I thought I would honor my father's memory by sharing the story of how he helped me find my way through a very difficult time in my life. 

Aside from my husband, my Dad was my very best friend;  we always had this deep connection on a soul level.   He was lots of fun to be with and an incredible grandfather to our oldest son;  just the best.  I vividly remember how happy he was when we announced that we were having a second child.  Just days before I was scheduled to have an ultrasound test that would indicate the baby's gender, Dad passed very suddenly from a massive heart attack.  He was much too young...only 48 years old.  Our whole family was devastated; and I was absolutely crushed. 

When someone you love passes unexpectedly, someone who is so close to you and such a tremendous part of your life, there aren't words to adequately describe what you go through, and to each person it is a different journey.  During my own personal journey,  I felt as though everything I had ever believed in was questionable.  If Dad could be ripped from my life and the lives of our family, of our children who would not know him except through stories and memories...then what could possibly make sense in this world?  

I was soon to find that Dad and I had an unbreakable bond, even after he passed.

Like many people do after someone so close to them passes, I withdrew from participating in life for a long time afterward.  I ate, slept and went to work, took care of my husband, the kids and my home...but it was just going through the motions of life.  Dad seemed to constantly make his presence known in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways.  There were special songs that would play on the radio at moments when I'd be in deep thought about him.  There were intense dream visits.  There were flashes of bright white light that were seen by multiple people.  The date of his death would pop up all over the place.

Flipping through the TV channels one day during this time,  I came across a show featuring a medium who claimed to speak with the dead.  To me at the time, it appeared to be some kind of carnival trick but I quickly became intrigued when the things he was saying to people were apparently ringing true with them!  There were a few options that I could think of to explain this away.  Either he was "planting" these folks in the audience and paying them off , or he was really making a connection with the deceased loved ones of the people he was reading for. As days and weeks progressed and I watched the show many times, I was forced to conclude that there was something unexplainable going on here... there were simply too many people validating the messages that were coming through...and those messages were so specific!  Things like "he used to eat live moths dipped in cocktail sauce", and "he is showing me false teeth hanging from a Christmas tree like an ornament".  Who would KNOW things like that?!  I was hooked.  This was just incredible. 

I decided to investigate this whole "mediumship" thing more closely.  Reading everything I could find on the topic, I came across a development program where the author suggested working with Tarot cards as a way to  "open up" psychically and develop one's skills. I ran out and bought my very first deck the next day and began working with them, learning the deep symbolism and "bonding" with my cards.  Once I became comfortable using the cards for self-readings, I began doing readings for family and friends and eventually, student readings on the internet as a way to practice and develop. 

Not long after that I began questioning my path. Was it "okay" for me to be doing this, or was it the work of the "devil"?  I certainly didn't feel that it was...in fact I felt completely the opposite.  When I read the cards it was very light and for lack of better words, I felt like I was operating on a higher plane somehow.  Of course I meant no harm to the folks I read for...quite the contrary in fact.  But was it right?  Is this what I should be doing?  Would there be some major consequences for my actions when I got to the Other Side someday?  How could I ever be sure?

One night during this time I was washing dishes after supper.  I had just packed my husband's lunch for work the next day.  He normally carried his lunch in an insulated bag but that particular day he left it at work, so I just grabbed a plastic grocery bag and wrapped his lunch up in it and quickly tossed it in the fridge.   As I washed the dishes, I mentally connected with my Dad and began speaking to him in my mind.  I explained how I was feeling.  I said "Dad, you have a much better perspective on things right now than me, I need to know from you.  Am I on the right path, should I be reading cards, going to seminars and studying mediumship...is this all okay?   I need to know.  I need a sign.  And it can't be a weird shaped cloud in the sky or a song on the radio or anything else that might be a sign...I need something concrete and tangible and very very specific, from YOU. "  I silently pleaded with him.  Afterward I wiped down the counters and put everything away and just left it in his hands.  Not 2 hours later I went to the refrigerator to get some water.  Opening the door my mouth hung open and I felt the color leave my face.  Staring back at me was the plastic bag that contained my husband's lunch.  Printed across the bottom of the bag, typeset in bright red, bold capital letters was MY DAD'S FIRST AND LAST NAME!!!!!  And almost as if he knew I would somehow try to explain it away I found a second one the next day.  Now I have to tell you that I am not one to examine plastic grocery bags.  In fact I can't remember ever looking to see who manufactured a bag....I mean, who does that?  And no, his name is not a very popular one.  I am still to this day dumbfounded trying to explain this away. 

So that is the story of how Dad guided me at a point when I was truly lost and the path ahead became unclear, and how my life was changed by something as seemingly insignificant as a plastic grocery bag.  I have no doubt now that this is what I am supposed to be doing, and I know that he is right there by my side, helping me use my experiences to help others navigate their own paths a bit easier.  Since this whole crazy journey began I have learned so much  (mostly that I have so much to learn), and these things are certain: we are all connected, and we are here to assist each other whenever possible.

Happy Father's Day Dad, I love you! xoxo